The Curse of Egalitarianism
We are now half a century beyond the Supreme Court’s infamous ruling in Roe v. Wade. Women outnumber men in most institutions of higher education, and girls routinely outperform their male classmates in school. In the modern economy, childless women and men do the same kind of work to the same extent and are paid equally for it. Women work, recreate and travel in droves. We spend vast sums of money on our health and beauty.
In the popular discourse, feminists speak of things like, “choice,” “options,” “freedom.” Obligation is a dirty word in many circles. Indeed, even the idea of choice is unfashionable today. Consider the backlash against “traditional lifestyle” influencers like Ballerina Farm. An interview with her and her husband this July spawned a hundred think pieces, many devoted to unraveling the connections between a woman with eight children who lives on a farm and bakes bread, and the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Caught in the crossfire, Nara Smith (a model and influencer who is only “traditional” in the sense that she cooks, is married and has children) has likewise been accused of “tradwife propaganda.” The anxiety feminists express about these women is the unveiling of the great tension of modern feminism.
Progressives have begun to campaign and win on the idea of freedom, one more akin to the French “laïcité” than what our founders envisioned. This freedom means that a woman is free to do whatever she wants, so long as she is doing so to the destruction of sex-difference and ultimately the patriarchy. A woman deemed regressive should be mocked, scorned and never tolerated. Choice becomes a slur. The woman who dared to choose wrong is a poisonous influence who might remind the world that there is such a thing as sex-difference, and that there might be responsibilities granted to a person on the basis of sex.
It makes an instinctive sense to a mind raised on egalitarianism. A young girl, looking at a young boy, sees a creature like herself in almost every way. Throughout infancy and childhood, they are almost identical in appearance, skill and interests. It is not until puberty that the illusion of sameness is shattered as they develop into women and men, ready to assume their place in the world–and here is where much of the current feminist movement struggles to find a way. Until the moment it becomes clear that one sex will give birth to children and nurse them, and one sex will not, the myth of the interchangeability of the sexes can be preserved.
Feminist scholars have worked tirelessly to separate “woman” from “Wife” and “Mother.” They propose radical sexual paradigms, shunning men, choosing celibacy, lesbianism or the rejection of “gender essentialism.” They push for birth control and abortion on demand. Exceptionally wealthy women give up on childbirth altogether, choosing to pay surrogates instead, hiring nannies to provide care and feeding, engaging with their children on exactly their own terms. In short, they live the life of a 1950s style pater familias.
For the ordinary woman, she feels herself in an impossible place. The theory of “having it all,” has been found untrue. The frivolous yet dreary motherhood of the mid-century, personified by Betty Draper of “Mad Men,” is visually appealing, but intellectually and emotionally empty.
The unbeliever has children and hates them. Or she loves them, but with a love that grows alongside resentment. She doles out warnings to other women, “Would I do it again?…” She complains about her husband and her employer. She yells at her kids. She rails against the state which will not protect her even as she gives her body and life for it. She rails against the economic structures that have removed all meaningful work in the home, then hires out what little is left to be done. She insists on the importance of a “good” birth story, and of the mystical things that happen when a mother and her baby meet, but denies any implication that a mother is a special kind of person who might have certain responsibilities to the young people she brings into this world.
The Christian woman, who knows better, can be tempted to think that perhaps in the pre-industrial world women were content and happy with their portion in life. Perhaps a return to the land would solve her problems, and then she would be happy at home, happy to love her children, happy to have them at all. In a time and place she can’t go back to, she would be satisfied, and never complain to her husband about how unfulfilled she is. When her husband is a real man like Pa Ingalls, she’ll be able to respect him.
Or a Christian woman is waylaid by feminism in spite of herself, deceived and imperiled. She can’t believe that the good God who loves her would say that she should submit to her husband. That kind of thing, she thinks to herself, is for the “holy women of old”, that is to say slaves to patriarchy. Nevermind that Paul says that the older women should teach what is good, namely; self-control, purity, working at home, kindness and submission to each woman’s own husband. She does not believe that it could be good news to her, and so strains against it. She looks for a church that “allows women to flourish in every way.” Perhaps she keeps her faith, but in the end turns away from any part of scripture that might hurt her feelings. She lives a furtive life, running from the responsibilities that God called good.
The Way Out
The feminist seeks a cowardly escape from the reality of her body and the calling that God has given to her. To the contrary, in 1 Peter, women are told that we should not fear anything that is frightening. A woman who fears the Lord, does not need to fear anything else. In the scriptures, we read of women like Sarah, Rahab, Esther, Ruth and Mary the mother of Jesus, who did not fear but instead held fast to God. They were, like us, justified by their faith. And they knew that we worship a God who loves women and who loves us in our womanliness. We do not need to turn our back on motherhood or being a wife to love Jesus, but rather, trusting that the lives we lead are the lives God has called us to, devote ourselves to the good works that God has prepared for us to do. Though there are many exhortations to godly living that apply to both sexes, the author of scripture also sets down specific encouragements for women.
We desire a textbook with day by day instructions for how to live out our lives, but that is not what the Lord gave us. Instead, He sends us to scripture and to the godly women of old.
We should learn to love our children and husbands (Titus 2:3-4). For those who do not believe that this is a virtue to be cultivated, consider the ink spilled on the concept of “mom rage,” and the rates at which women file for divorce. The world, the flesh and the Devil offer excuses and justifications, yet our Lord has shown us what love is. The world would have women believe that we are by turns so strong that we need no one, and so weak that we can never take responsibility for our emotions. Scripture teaches that feminine strength is that which allows us to love the people God has obligated us towards, which often requires us to deny ourselves and instead do what is good for another.
We should be submissive to our husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1, Titus 2). Our submission to God flows from trust in Him, and a woman’s submission to her husband is likewise a reflection of her trust in God. Submission is anathema to the world, but it is good news for us. Sarah obeyed her husband Abraham and went into a foreign land, and it is her obedience that made her the mother of a great nation. The God who loved Sarah, loves us.
We should let our adorning be a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious to God, if not to the world at large (1 Pet 3:4). In faith, we can set aside anxiety, pride and envy. We resist the world which says that a woman’s value is in her appearance or her profession. These are things that will pass away. Instead, we hold fast to God, and the promises He has given us.
We should aim to be the kind of women spoken of in 1 Timothy 5:3-14, having set our hope in God, raised children, shown hospitality, washed the feet of the saints and cared for the afflicted. This is work that many are quick to cast aside to hired hands, convinced that this is what is keeping them from their real and important lives. It is work that requires real love, patience, forgiveness, and gentleness–helping those who often can’t help themselves, and will never repay the labor.
Assembled together, along with the commands for all Christians, these encouragements give the shape of a woman who loves God, and who believes that he loves her. We find that the way we treat our children, our husbands and our homes is very important, and our wages are less so.
We live in a culture that runs from obligation, preferring cowardice and immaturity. God has called us to be mature and courageous, to face the reality of our sex, and to live up to it. By the grace of God we can love our children, even in their dependency, knowing that God loves us as his children, and we are even more dependent on Him than a newborn on its mother. By the grace of God we should love our husbands, even though they sin against us, knowing that God loves us, even though we sin against Him. By the grace of God, we can follow Christ as women, loved by God and called to be saints, joint heirs with our husbands of the grace of life, made in the image of God, but different from men, for a good purpose.
Image Credit: Unsplash
What do you do when your husband beats you?
abusus no tollit usum
So, nothing. She just has to endure it. (I know what the Latin means. I also know it doesn’t answer my question.)
Also, it’s NON tollit.
I certainly didn’t mean to imply she (nor society) does nothing. I was simply stating that the abuse of a thing (in this case male headship) does not negate its proper use.
Authority structures are natural, unavoidable, and God-given (and therefore good). They are, sadly often abused. But this does not mean we are to do away with them as your comment above seems to imply (perhaps its unfair of me to read you as making that implication, but it seems as if you were going in that direction).
Governments, for example, abuse their authority of the citizenry all the time. This does not mean, therefore, that government as an institution is null and void. The same logic would apply to the ways in which the two sexes relate to one another.
What do you when your wife beats you? Ever hear of gender symmetry? Does feminism really make marriages better?
“The latest Office for National Statistics figures (2022/23) show that one in three victims of domestic abuse are male equating to 751,000 men (3.2%) and 1.38 million women (5.7%). From this, 483,000 men and 964,000 women are victims of partner abuse. (ONS 2022/23).”
-https://mankind.org.uk/statistics/statistics-on-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/
“Stereotypes of men being proactive, powerful, and controlling, and “40 years of feminist tradition” that assumes women are the sole victims [of] intimate partner violence can make it difficult for men to be believed by others, and can even make it difficult for men to believe people when they are told that they are the victims of partner violence. It is very common for men to avoid reporting or admitting to cases of domestic violence due to various reasons, such as fear of ridicule, embarrassment, and the lack of support. This taboo subject is often trivialized and ignored by society, which makes it hard to determine how prevalent this issue is. Due to the lack of support services and health care professionals, male victims often do not receive the necessary assistance.”
-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men
Abused men deserve help. Of course, your model of gender relations — he’s the boss, she’s the doormat — won’t help. That said, her piece is that women are supposed to be completely, silently, mindlessly submissive. I want to know what a doormat can do to the man who beats her?
I believe that a woman can call the police to report domestic abuse. If you feel like you’ve experienced domestic abuse, call 911 or go to the emergency room.
That being said, does every article about women’s roles in a Christian home need to have an obligatory “abuse is bad, please seek help” message given at the start of the article? I’m pretty sure it is implied not to put up with abuse. Christian men are obligated to remember the commands from Peter/Paul to love their wives and to give themselves up for them as Christ does for the Church. Does that sound like a doormat/master dichotomy in a Christian home? I understand no one lives up to the perfect examples given in the article and in Scripture, but if we are being transformed into the likeness of Christ, I suspect a husband and a wife have nothing to fear from one another. If you follow the words to not be unequally yoked, I think you have really good chances your marriage will be a healthy and happy one.
Your knee jerk reaction to ask about wife beating tells me that you are proving the author’s point. Submission is a dirty word these days, and it isn’t surprising as it is rooted in pride. Satan refused to submit to God, Adam and Eve refused to submit to God’s command… And we have paid dearly for it ever since…
It’s not clear to me that Karen is here good faith. She continually comments here, casting the most lurid and uncharitable aspersions on the site and on anyone who pushes back against her over the top accusations.
Wives have to obey, and obedience is easily defined: if he gives an order, do it regardless. Love has no definition. Y’all think it’s loving to beat your kids for any tiny infraction, that a loving God sends most people to eternal conscious torment, so wjy should a loving husband exclude using fear and physical punishment to enforce his wife’s duty of obedience?
As for Gordon’s point, I keep asking the same question because nobody ever gives an answer.
The author never the wife should be a doormat, and you are strongly mischaracterizing her article by saying she thinks women should be “completely, silently, mindlessly submissive.” She quotes St. Peter and St. Paul’s letters several times, stating that wives are to be submissive to, to honor, and to obey to her husbands. Applying what we know about how God expects Christians (men and women) to be submissive to authorities (Exodus 20:12 & Romans 13), that means we should be obedient to our God appointed authorities at all times, even to authorities we may dislike, so long as they are not commanding us to violate God’s law (e.g., a husband who commands his wife to have an abortion would be one such example, and the wife ought not obey such a command).
And to answer your original question… victims of abuse should call the police, tell their church elders about the abuse, and/or call the domestic abuse hotline.
What good are the church elders? They’re MEN. They will always tell wives to submit more; that he beats her for good reason.
Wow Karen! You really think that any normal/sane/rational man encourages other men to beat their wives?! That church elders would say go ahead and do that?! Are you kidding me? You are arguing in bad faith, that is not the norm in Christianity or the church… I know that happens in other cultures that treat women like cattle, but that is not a part of what the Apostles taught. You are arguing in bad faith, there’s no point in engaging with you further.
Anonymous, you’re arguing without evidence. Read the memoirs of women who left their husbands and you will learn that the church officials always told them them that they were at fault. Read GK Chesterton’s ‘Democracy vs. Divorce,’ in which he defends wife-hitting. You refuse to acknowledge that your model of gender relations invites abuse. You give someone absolute power and that person will ALWAYS abuse those under his power. ALWAYS.
It is sad that the writer of the article feels so free to generalize about believers and unbelievers. What is more is that the writer of the article is apparently imitating the wrong person from the parable of the two men praying when making those generalizations.
Wow! So sad! Making generalizations is NEVER okay because we must ALWAYS consider outliers.
Instead of immediately committing a NAXALT fallacy and falsely attributing an ill-fitting parable to the author, why don’t you recognize the true things she is saying? The scriptures clearly attest a wife submitting to her husband is a good thing, and feminism and its consequences have been disastrous across the board.
Harrison,
Or is it that there is too much diversity to employ reductive generalizations that are based on pejorative stereotypes?
While I’m sympathetic to these arguments, especially given the feminist induced chaos unfolding, this line of thinking can forget the simple fact that as a New Testament People, the Spirit inhabits us all — men AND women. We need to truly wrestle with this reality and what this means before we piecemeal together a theology of the household from Paul and Peter’s letters that reduces the female calling to that of helper and submitter.
If my wife has the Spirit, she is in communion with the Lord. She is hearing from the Lord. She is been gifted and equipped by the Lord to serve Him, not merely the household. If my wife has the Spirit, she can and should speak into my life. She can and should seek to correct me if I’m wrong. Dare I say she can and should — if gifted — seek to publicly speak into the life of others in her church? The list goes on for the Spirit is the great animator and provider of life in every sense of the word!
Now this reality does not do away with the general hierarchy the Bible presents — we ignore it at our own peril — but it should call us to a deeper understanding of the role of the wife in marriage and women in society.